


Blind Love

by loveavillain (copper28)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Modern AU, Overdosing, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10672749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copper28/pseuds/loveavillain
Summary: Hux receives a phone call that tips his world upside down. A University modern AU with reference to suicide and hints at an abusive household. Happy(ish) ending.





	Blind Love

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this over a year ago, and it's been sitting there ever since. I'm not quite happy with the ending, but then I never usually am. I did want to develop this story more, but I've just not got the time or muse to do it at the moment and I don't want it to just sit and gather pixel dust so, here it is for your consumption! I hope you enjoy, despite the slightly morbid tags and plot.

Hux had been working on his dissertation for almost a month when he got that phone call. He remembered the night in perfect clarity, as much as he wishes he didn’t sometimes. 

The laptop was whirring angrily from how long it had been on for. Hux’s fingers hadn’t slowed across the keyboard, frantically adding and editing sources and citations. It wasn’t due for another week, and he’d been working on it for weeks already. Phasma had told him to take a break, but he’d refused her offer of a beer and watching some football game that was on that evening. He could hear her bellowing angrily at the TV downstairs in the house they shared. 

Hux hadn’t really needed to share, he had enough money from his father to live on his own, but he and Phasma had become fast friends, and so they shared. The university they went to was barely a ten minute car ride away, and with Phasma’s driving it was more like less than three minutes. 

He was studying Management and International Relations, something that would help him claw his way up the Army ranks, as per his father’s wishes. Not that Hux minded, he had a thirst for power and a skill at manipulation, he was sure to climb quickly. 

Phasma was taking the same degree, but her passion laid more in the physical aspect of army life. She wanted to be on the frontline. Hux admired her sheer power, and her baseball team never lost a game. She was also the reigning boxing champion of the university, and no-one was about to challenge her for the title. She had a talent for team building, and Hux would have kept her close regardless of how well they got on. That was just a convenient plus that they were actually good friends. 

She was also the only one who understood half the shit his boyfriend came up with in his projects. Kylo Ren was a sculptor who had attended the First Order University, but he had dropped out quickly. Ren suffered from multiple mental illnesses that hadn’t been dealt with well at home, the biggest ones being anxiety and bouts of depression. He hadn’t coped in an academic environment, but he was doing well freelancing on his own. No-one had mentioned to him yet that Hux’s influence within multiple communities kept Ren in employment, and no-one was about to. Hux was going to keep him going until he found his footing on his own. Something that his parents should be really doing, but Hux knew full well would not happen. When Hux and Phasma had convinced Ren to go to the doctor a few years ago there had been quite the explosive argument from his father. Solo had denied there was anything wrong with his son, and he didn’t need to be taking anything. It had been a rough few months, but Hux was glad things have calmed for the other man. 

Kylo had stayed with Hux and Phasma for those rough months, and now he was rarely actually home, normally staying over with Hux. This month however, Hux had asked for space. Kylo could be very distracting, and this dissertation was important. Hux couldn’t afford distraction. He’d kept contact of course, and saw him every week, talked every day, but the breathing room gave him the time to concentrate on his work. 

Phasma had shouted extra loudly at the TV downstairs, and Hux fished out his earphones. He’d put them in for five minutes when his phone began to buzz on the desk. 

Frowning, he picked it up, the ID just coming up with ‘Unknown’.

He answered it, his curiosity over who had his number overriding the need to get this dissertation edited. “Hello?”

There was snuffling on the other end of the line, and the sound of engines in the background. And a siren? “Is this Hux?”

Hux’s frown deepened, and he felt something akin to dread sinking into his stomach. This felt off. “Yes. Who’s this?”

“It’s Rey.” Rey. Kylo’s adopted sister. Hux had barely spoken to the girl but he got the feeling he wasn’t liked. Not that he cared; all of Ren’s family hated him. 

His grip on the phone tightened. “Right. What do you want? How did you even get my number?”

There was another little sob on the other end of the line, and Hux had pushed away from his desk. “There’s an ambulance outside my house and both my parents are outside.”

Hux felt like the floor had just disappeared from under him. “What.”

“It’s Kylo I know it. He’s been weird all week, Dad said that he was just having a tantrum about something but I knew something was off and I should have talked to him but he’s just so difficult and I don’t know what to do.”

Hux is off and down the stairs the moment she finishes talking. “I’m on my way, have they brought him out yet?” 

Phasma knows something’s wrong as soon as he barrels into the living room, grabbing his keys off the hook.

“Woah, what’s going on? Who’s that?” She questions, jumping up and blocking his path out to the front door. 

Hux tries to get round her, to no avail. “Rey. There’s an ambulance for Kylo, I have to go now.” 

Rey has stopped crying long enough to answer him. “No. No-one has come back out yet it’s just my parents and a medic standing with them.”

“Fuck.” Hux breathes out. He can feel his heart racing, and his hands have started to shake. 

Phasma gets the keys from him with minimal effort, swapping them for her own keys. “You can’t drive. You’ll end up wrapped round a tree, and I’ll get you there faster. Move.”

Usually, its Hux giving the orders, but he has got absolutely no desire to argue, and so he lets Phasma shove him into the black range rover and she speeds off down the road, doing at least three times the speed limit. 

“Dad’s seen me.” Rey practically whispers down the phone. 

Hux seethes, imagining how shit Han must be dealing with the situation. “If he comes over put him on the phone.”

Phasma grunts, “If you’re talking about Solo I think that’s a bad idea.”

The snarl that comes from Hux barely sounds human, and Phasma knows better than to argue when Hux gives her that kind of death glare. “If he comes over, Rey, you give him this phone.”

On the other end of the line, Rey’s started to cry again. “He’s-he’s not coming. Mum’s got hold of his arm.”

“I’m going to rip his fucking arm off.” Hux hisses under his breath, glancing at Phasma. She’s staring straight ahead, her grip tight on the wheel of the car. They can see the flashing blue lights in the distance, and for once Hux is eternally grateful for Phasma’s speeding. 

“Hux. Hux I think they’re bringing him out.” Rey’s voice is devoid of emotion, and Hux wonders vaguely if she’s going into shock. 

He wants to ask if Ren’s okay, if Kylo’s coming out in a body bag or on a stretcher. But he can’t get his tongue to work, and in the time it takes for him to swallow down the bile that’s risen in his throat, Phasma’s yanked the handbrake up and they’ve stopped in the middle of the road behind the ambulance. 

All he can see is blue, the flashing blue lights than mean something horrible has happened. He can see the cool gaze of Leia darting back and forth from her partner and the door of the house. The blue makes Solo look more gaunt than usual, and Hux dislikes him even more in this light. 

Something tugs on his sleeve, and Hux turns to look at a pale Rey, her eyes red and her jaw taunt. She’s trying not to cry. Hux doesn’t remember getting out of the car. She says something to him, but Hux doesn’t hear it. There’s a stretcher coming out of the front door. 

The haze that seems to have surrounded Hux dissipates the instant he sees the dark hair of his boyfriend tangled in the oxygen mask. 

He’s across the front garden in a second, ignoring the low warning from Phasma. 

One of the medics makes an attempt to stop him, but Hux has a surprising amount of speed and strength, and he avoids their grasp to reach the side of Kylo. The man’s face is a deathly pale, eyes closed and showing no sign that he’s alive. 

“Is he breathing?” Hux asks, panic seeping into his voice. He looks up desperately to the person hovering above Ren on the other side of the stretcher, and she doesn’t take her eyes from monitoring Ren’s pulse. 

She nods as they move towards the ambulance. “He’s breathing. He needs to have his stomach pumped but he should be fine. We were called in time. What’s your relation to him?”

“I’m his boyfriend.” 

“Alright, you can ride in the ambulance if you want.” She says with a gentle tone, as if she knows that’s what Hux wants. 

It’s not what he wants. He wants to go back in time and stop this from happening. He doesn’t want to be riding in an ambulance with Kylo at all. 

He wants to punch Han fucking Solo in the face, and when the man appears behind him, it’s only because Phasma grabs his shoulder than he doesn’t do just that. 

“Hey, I’m going with him.” Han says, ignoring Hux standing seething beside him. 

They’re loading Kylo into the ambulance, and the woman who had been speaking to Hux turns to face the older man. “Only one of you can come with him, the others have to make their own way or we can’t work in there.”

Han shoots Hux a glare, and Hux leans against Phasma’s restraint, seeing how much she means it. It’s a hard grip. There’s no way he can escape it, so Hux simply glowers back.

Han doesn’t budge. “I’m going with him.”

“All due respect, Solo, he doesn’t like you.” Hux snarls, and to his surprise, Rey appears at Phasma’s side. 

She looks tiny next to the formidable warrior that Phasma is, but there’s a fire in her gaze that went hand in hand with the other woman’s fearsome presence. “Dad. Let Hux go with him.”

Han starts to shake his head, and then the medic speaks up before anyone can comment. “One of you needs to get in now. We need to get him in.”

Ren’s father’s climbing up in with Kylo before Phasma can safely release Hux, and he balls his hands up in frustration, nails digging into soft flesh. He’s not going to argue, not now when Ren needs to get to the hospital. He’s not even conscious, it won’t matter to him. To Hux? It matters a bit more, he would have been less anxious and more able to think if he was in the ambulance with Kylo, but instead he found himself back in Phasma’s car trying not to have a breakdown. 

“It’s my fault.” Hux whispers to himself, staring down at where his nails have cut into his palm. There’s small beads of blood running down towards his wrist.

Phasma slows the car, glancing towards her friend. She’s still behind the ambulance, though now not quite trying to drive into the back of it. “This is not your fault Hux. Don’t do that to yourself.”

Hux can feel his breathing start to accelerate, and he fights to control it. “I should have noticed, shouldn’t have made him go back. He should have been with me.”

“Hux. Ren was somewhere you thought he would be safe. It is not your fault he wasn’t. You’ve had contact with him every single day, you’ve seen him at a minimum of once a week for the last month. You reminded him to take his tablets every day. It is not your fault that he’s done this. It’s not on your shoulders.” Phasma’s voice is low and gives no room for an argument, despite Hux wanting to dispute what she’s saying. He still should have done more, made sure he was taking his tablets, reminded Rey to check, gone over more. 

He’s working himself up into a panic attack, chest constricting as his fingers curl back into his palm, sharp pain shooting up his arm. 

“Hey.” Phasma says, reaching over the gear stick to squeeze his knee, and then holding her hand out to take his. He gives it to her, quickly threading their fingers together and hoping she’ll put the warm wetness she’s sure to feel down to sweat. “He’s okay, remember. They said he’s okay. You can bring him home.”

 

 

Kylo wakes slowly, his throat burning and a queasy feeling in his stomach. Everything is much too white, and he wonders where the fuck he is. Blinking slowly, he vaguely remembers a siren, blue lights, and Hux. 

“Hux.” He says without even thinking about it. He wants Hux.

“Hey, idiot.” Comes a soft familiar voice.

Ren turns to the voice, and he’s pleased to see Hux sat on a chair that’s pulled up to the bed. “Hey.” Ren says, his voice sounding rough and weak. There’s a reason why, but he can’t think of it. 

Apparently Hux knows why, because his expression tightens, the way it does when he wants to hide something he feels. But the emotion is too strong, and Ren can see his mouth twitch with tension and his eyes have started to shine. 

“Where am I?” Ren asks, and he feels something uncomfortable in his arm. 

Hux looks at him, his eyes soft and…sad. “You’re in hospital. You tried to kill yourself.”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Ren remembers now. He remembers feeling worthless and frightened and sad. He remembers stealing his father’s painkillers for his back. He remembers taking the entire packet. 

Hux shakes his head, and Ren can tell his throat’s gone tight. “Why?”

Ren looks away, fiddling with the edge of his hospital gown and staring at the IV jammed into his arm. “Because no-one would notice if I was gone. It would hurt less if I was gone.”

Hux makes a strange noise, and Ren refuses to look at him. “You think I wouldn’t have noticed? God, Ren, I’d go mad missing you if you left me like that. Rey too. Phasma, Finn, Poe, your uncle. People love you, you bellend. I...” He breaks off, shaking his head. “Was it because I asked for space this past month?”

Ren shakes his head, but he feels guilt surge up inside him because he knows that’s not strictly true. “No. You talked to me every day and it’s not like we didn’t see each other.”

Hux isn’t convinced. “Explain to me then, why you didn’t talk to me about this? Had you been taking your tablets?”

Ren shakes his head again, and Hux’s fingers have threaded through his own. “Some days I did, but I kept forgetting. Even though you reminded me.”

“I suppose your bloody parents didn’t think to mention that the week box was still full on a Friday.” Hux snarled.

Ren huffed a humourless laugh. It hurt, and he grimaces.

Hux has shifted even closer to the bed, his hand squeezing Ren’s. “Do you need a drink?”

“No. No, I…” He trails off with a sigh, ignoring the burn he feels in his throat. Hux hasn’t taken his gaze off him, and Ren wonders how he could have ever doubted that this man loved him. His eyes betrayed him; Hux could never keep his emotion guarded from his eyes. 

Ren shifts over, slowly but surely making a small strip of space at the edge of his bed. He tugs on Hux’s hand weakly, wishing he had the strength to just drag the smaller man into the bed. “Can you…?”

Hux doesn’t get into the bed, but he does slide out of his chair and stand closer, looking down Ren’s body and at the various wires that were stuck into him. “Tell me what you want, Kylo. We can’t… you can’t keep doing this and expecting me to know what you want. Apparently I’m not as good at reading you as I thought.”

The flush of shame is unexpected, and Ren has to look away for a moment, swallowing down the lump in his throat. When he looks back, Hux’s expression has shifted from trying to guard how he feels to total openness. Ren can see the hurt and the sadness and the fear there, and he can’t stop the tears that start to fall down his cheeks. 

“I didn’t-didn’t mean to-“ Ren starts, but he can’t get the words past his tongue, and he leans his head back as he tries to keep a handle on the heaves of pain that surge through his chest. 

Hux is against his side before he gets enough control to finish his sentence, sliding up against him and tucking himself under Ren’s chin. His arm wraps tightly around Ren’s chest, and one leg hooks up over his own under the hospital blanket. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, calm down. I’m here.” Hux whispers against his throat, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin he finds there.


End file.
